We all know social connections matter in life and careers, but I’m always surprised by just how much our circles influence us.
I’ve noticed lately a clear pattern in my clients:
– Those with high confidence and resourcefulness usually surround themselves with good people who support them (it’s mostly about quality, not quantity).
– On the other hand, clients struggling to find their strengths or move forward often have people close to them who unintentionally hold them back.
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As the year comes to an end, it’s the perfect time for a small ‘Relationships audit’. Yes, it sounds a bit harsh, but it will bring you clarity.
I often use Adam Grant’s framework from Give and Take. He defines three types of relationships, based mainly on how you feel after each interaction:
1️⃣ Energizers (Givers): You leave interactions feeling inspired, valued, and uplifted. They support and encourage you without expecting anything in return.
2️⃣ Drainers (Takers): Interactions leave you stressed, depleted, or frustrated. They focus on themselves and rarely give back. Picture an energy vampire.
3️⃣ Matchers (most people): Reciprocity drives these relationships. They can energize you if the exchange feels balanced, but you need to monitor it.
Although most people and relationships move across different categories and it is sometimes difficult to put people in boxes, the idea is to look at how these people operate most of the time in the relationship.
Here’s a simple exercise for you:
1. List your friends and the people you spend the most time with.
2. Evaluate each relationship: how do you feel after interacting with them?
3. Map them: Energizers , Drainers or Matchers.
4. Take action with:
– Energizers: Nurture, spend more time with them, and find more of them!
– Drainers: Reduce, set boundaries, step back from those who consistently take.
– Matchers: Check in to ensure the relationship is mutually rewarding.
In a nutshell: We have more agency we might believe. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. Life is too short to stay close to those who hold you back. Choose the ones who push you forward. 💪
